From: Robert Klamm
Sent: Thursday, July 05, 2001 4:09 PM
To: jeffrowe@jeffrowe.net; Allourfriends@emails
Subject: Advice for Jeff
Since
Jeff has been complaining on his website that he is the last
to get
engaged in our group. I found some advice for him.
The Top 16 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife
Brought you into Hypertext by Claudius Cahyadi
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Find
an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head,
trim her
nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
-- Deuterononmy (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
Find
a prostitute and marry her.
-- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)
Find
a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his
flock.
-- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)
Purchase
a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
-- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
Go
to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab
one and carry
her off to be your wife.
-- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
Have
God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will
cost you a
rib.
-- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)
Agree
to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage.
Get
tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven
years for the
woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right.
Fourteen years
of toil for a woman.
-- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)
Cut
off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies
and get his
daughter for a wife.
-- David (I Samuel 18:27)
Even
if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll
definitely
find someone. (It's all relative of course.)
-- Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)
Become
the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
-- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
When
you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I
have seen a
...woman; now get her for me." If your parents question
your decision,
simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."
-- Samson (Judges 14:1-3)
Kill
any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons
though).
-- David (2 Samuel 11)
Wait
for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a
good idea,
it's the law).
-- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
Don't
be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
-- Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)
A
wife?...NOT!!!
-- Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)
Become
sinless, and die in atonement for others, and you can marry
a whole
bunch of people.
-- Jesus (Revelation 15?)
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