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 Why do a 'Dear Abbey'?

I was emailing Joe the other day when I suddenly realised I needed to vent. So what I had intended as a simple responce to an email turned into a small Novel of me going off about something... and thats when it hit me. Why not add a "Dear Abbey" option to my site?
I have plenty of extra email address' with my hosting service, I am always ready to help someone see the lighter side of thier problems/issues/etc... and of coarse its a million times easier to deal with other peoples problems than it is yoru own. Besides, worst case scenario is I get to laugh and make fun of someone else for thier lame problems, thus making me feel better <grin>
And so... here it is... the Dear Abbey Section of my site. Simply put, email me for whatever reason at dearabbey@jeffrowe.net and I will respond however I see fit. Need advice? Im full of it! Want a new perspective on something? I'll give you one! Want to be abused or laughed at by email? I can do that too!

::NOTE:: However, please let me know if you do not want your email posted on my site. I will respond back to whoever emails me and also post the question & answer here on this page. This will be automatic unless I am requested to keep the matter private... please dont do this alot as it takes the fun out of the whoel damn thing <wink>


Places to go, Things to do...


 Dear Abbey

Monday, December 06, 2004 - 0 comments
From: -Cryin' in PA-
To: dearabbey@jeffrowe.net
Subject: Please Help!!!!!
Date: Mon, 06 Dec 2004

Dear Abbey
I'm a 14 year old straight A student who needs help. My mom divorced my dad when i was 6 and she has been married to 'Philip' for 4 years. Recently, her and 'Philip' have been having some problems with Philip's stepdaughter and she has been thinking that he might divorce her. His stepdaughter has insulted us and treated us poorly, and Philip never does anything to punish her, even though he know she hurt my mother and I. My mother usually takes all her anger out on me by yelling at me over silly things like not putting my toothpaste away and things of that nature. I sometimes feel like I am the object of her anger and that she doesn't care about me, even though I know she does. Our 'family' can never do anything together because someone is always mad at someone else. I always try to help my mom out by providing some caring
words, but it usually ends with her yelling at me over something I don't even remember doing. Abbey, I don't know what to do anymore. I'm to the point where I want to move in with my dad and leave these problems here. Please help me!
-Cryin' in PA-

Just to reiterate the statements on my website, I am not the real "Dear Abby"... please notice the spelling. I am "Dear Abbey@jeffrowe.net", basically just a guy with too much freetime and a horribly out of date
webpage. If you need serious and *REAL* help, please consider the real "Dear Abby" Service at www.DearAbby.com

Now that that is out of the way...

This does sound like a case of misplaced anger, your mom is lashing out at the one thing she controls, you. As a 14 year old, it has got to be horrible to deal with. She is already suffering the consequences of the conflict and anger with 'Philip' as well as the step daughter, you are likely nearest outlet she has. Your best bet is to sit your mother down and explain how you feel to her, explain the situation and how she redirects it to you. If she reacts negetively, preferably ask her to not argue, but to simply allow you to point out when she is doing it. Then everytime she gets upset and it is obvious it isnt you, say 'you are
doing it right now'

Very few people will admit to doing such a thing after the fact. However if you draw their attention to the situation when it occurs, they can reflect and realize that the source is not always the same as the outlet.

Unfortunately you are young, and as I am sure you already know, automatically considered in the wrong. That is why I suggested such a passive and intellectual approach. Being civil and remaining calm despite the hostility of others is a good skill to know... I wish I had learned to do it much earlier in life.

I hope I helped. I would suggest keeping the 'moving in with dad' option for last. Avoid using it as a tool, it will only backfire and either cause you more grief. It is better used once the person is made aware of the situation and over time refuses to try and fix it.

Dear Abbey @ jeffrowe.net
"I am not the real Dear Abby... I play at it on my stupid little website."

posted by Jeff Rowe 1:52 PM | permalink> | 0 comments

Sunday, June 29, 2003 - 0 comments

From: Ayuk40
Sent: Sat Jun 28 23:44:26 2003
Note: Sent in through main email address

well done with ur comments. i m deaf guy but i m doing good. hmm what i ask
for a question.. oh yeah... where i can get a tattoo nearby highland park that
i m resident thanks.

Dear Ayuk40,

Thansk for the compliment, I try my best but each time I get these serious questions I wonder if I am not getting myself in over my head. I used to tear apart every email I got thinking maybe it was someone playign a joke on me. Now I just read and answer as best as I can... if its a joke, oh well, Im doing my part.

As for your question, its nice to get a letter from close to home, Highland Park isnt all that far away. Now as for Decent Tattoo Parlors near you... lets see...

If you are willing to come up to Libertyville, We have a couple great Parlors. Liberty Tattoo, and Lucky Seven Tattoo both have incredible reputations. I personally have had most of mine done downtown at Broadway Tatoo if Chicago, this was a logn time ago, so take that as it stands. Your best bet is to figure out what kind of stuff you want done, and then find a shop that does that kind of work well. I am picky about who does my work, and wont risk a shop I am not sure of.

Decent Parlors Downtown
Body Basics 613 W Briar Pl, Chicago, IL 60657-4520 Phone: (773)404-5838
Chicago Tattooing Co 922 W Belmont Ave, Chicago, IL 60657-4409 Phone: (773)528-6969
Jade Dragon Tattooing 5331 W Belmont Ave, Chicago, IL 60641-4104 Phone: (773)736-6960
Broadway Tattoo - 4408 N BROADWAY ST CHICAGO, IL 60640-5660 - 773-989-407

Decent Parlors in Lake County
Liberty Tattoo 1023 N Milwaukee Ave Libertyville, Il - (847)281-9168
Lucky Seven Tattoo Studio 229 Peterson Rd, Libertyville, IL 60048-1005 Phone: (847)680-7679
Modern Tattoo 3121 Beacon St, North Chicago, IL 60064-3447 Phone: (847)689-2618
Atatooed - 269 Peterson Rd, Libertyville, Il - (847) 367-1966

Others that might be nearby
Downers Grove Tattoo Co 1040 Ogden Ave, Downers Grove, IL 60515-2812 Phone: (630)960-1409
Professional Derma-Graphics 1100 W Northwest Hwy, Mt Prospect, IL 60056-2271 Phone: (847)590-0100
Rhino's Quad City Tattoo 2501 E Oakton St, Arlington Hts, IL 60005-4832 Phone: (847)952-1960
Sherry's 13454 W Wadsworth Rd, Waukegan, IL 60087-2717 Phone: (847)244-1640

Here are some great Tattoo listing's on the internet:

D. Abbey
posted by Jeff Rowe 8:37 PM | permalink> | 0 comments

Thursday, June 26, 2003 - 0 comments

From: Mindy
Sent: Wednesday, June 25, 2003 10:34 PM
Note: Sent into my main email address

I have been married for 13 years. My husband is the breadwinner and I take care of the kids (2). I do have a degree in Education and have taught school for 4 years in between the two births of my children. My problem is my husband becomes bored or says he isn't challenged in his job about every 3 years. We have moved to 3 different states, 6 different residences and he has had about 8 different jobs in the 13 yrs. Granted they are all in about the same field and his expertise and each move has been more money and the same or higher position. This last move was the worst and has been a very hard adjustment for myself and the children. I find myself getting so angry and resentful to my husband and it is erroding my commitment to him. The place where we live now is affecting my health and I have been very allergic and have had to have several medicines to get better. My youngest child is also suffering in this new area and has been ill a lot. I told my husband that I will only move back to one place which I liked best and we all seemed to do well there. We also have family there. If he wants to move somewhere else he will have to go alone. What is your opinion on this situation and do you think I am being reasonable.

Sincerely, Mindy

Dear Mindy,

So many serious emails... this whole thing was started in jest. Hopefully I can help, or give another perspective. Dont expect too much, Im just a guy with a website...

Unless your husbands career is one that requires such moves, like the military, he needs to start taking other things into the equation when he decides to up and move. Stability is a big issue for kids and movign from school to school can inhibit thier ability to make new friends and feel that they belong. Add in health issues, even controllable allergies, and this is a no brainer. You husband needs to accept that each area will have multiple opportunites in his field, and that he need not move across states to find what may be just around the corner. If making considerations for you and the children are not enough for him to change his mind, then it is possible that it is not just his job he is feeling 'challenged' by. Maybe he likes the chaos and it makes him feel like he needs
to be the anchor of the family and so he can be pivotal in helping the family adjust.

D Abbey.

posted by Jeff Rowe 6:34 AM | permalink> | 0 comments

Saturday, February 15, 2003 - 0 comments


On Friday February 14, 2003 at her home in Sterling, VA. Beloved wife of Jess J. Rutherford; loving mother of Paul Rowe of Mundelin, IL, Larry Rutherford of Pheonix, AZ, Jess Rutherford V, Shelly Jacks, and Jeffery Rutherford, all of Sterling, VA, Linda Sue (Kate) Cradit of Denver, CO; sister of AMryann Chwalisz. Also survived by 12 grandchildren and four great-grandchildren. The Family will receive friends on Monday, Feburary 17 from 12 Noon until time of service at 1 p.m. at the Community Church, 1439 Shepard Dr, Sterling, VA. Interment private. In lieu of flowers, memorials may be made to the Hospice of Northern Virginia, 9300 Lee St. N.W. - Suite 715, Washington, D.C. 20006 www.nmss.org

The Washington Post - Saturday, February 15th, 2003
METRO Section - Page B7

Thanks go out to all my friends and coworkers for thier patience and support... it feels like I have been away from home forever. I wont be back this next Wednesday, due to the service and the snowstorm currently here in Virginia. It will be good to be home...

posted by Jeff Rowe 3:20 PM | permalink> | 0 comments

Wednesday, February 12, 2003 - 0 comments

From: Ali
Sent: Sunday, February 09, 2003 11:50 PM
Note: Msg Sent by Comments on mainpage

Dear Abbey,

Could you please define the top ten ways a jobless bum could make some quick cash - and keep it clean man...some of us are parents...


To Ali,

Hmm, clean? Talk about limits... I think you have gone and asked the wrong person. Quick cash is either dangerous, or dirty... Robbery/Porn... Blackmail/Stripping... But I would never suggest those to you [grin] I will call you later with some suggestions [evil grin]

D Abbey.

posted by Jeff Rowe 8:14 PM | permalink> | 0 comments

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