Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 1 comment
Happy Birthday to Me...

I am now 31 years old. If you want to get technical, I think it is official somewhere around 3:45pm, but you would have to argue it out with my mom. I think I have a birth certificate somewhere, but I am just too damn lazy to bother. So now what? 30 came and went without much ado... now 31 comes and I just want to smile and wave. I had truely hoped that I would be in a different place right now. My age doesnt seem to make much of a difference, but there is a serious void, despite the addition of Corwin into my life.

My bday wish still hasnt changed much since a few posts ago. I now know what has been going on with her, I got my answer I fought so hard for. That was about it though, all I get now is promises and hopes. I have managed to find other things to take up the better portion of my mind during the day, but it just means that when I do have freetime the crap just flows up thicker and harder. I hoped that my birthday would bring me some good news, some talk or message that might bring me something to lift my heart. However I am guessing that I might be stuck with just an 'ecard' and nothing much else...

Whats new right now? I have a few good bites for employment. I am still looking, so if anyone has any 'Computer Tech' jobs, please email me. However, I sincerely hope to have an answer on one soon. When you do the math, Unemployment isnt as much as it seems. Makes me wonder how I lived so badly on so much money before. I guess I was in a bigger hole than I thought, and just it just got deeper. I can live alot better on less this time around. I think I need my buddy Mark to teach me the 'secret' to saving cash.

Casa De Rowe will soon include Rob Klamm (aka: The Roommate), providing he ever starts moving in. I moved 95% of the junk out of the 2nd Bedroom for him, and Bedroom #3 is now computer central, home to all my equipment. Rob will benefit from a full working network in the house, as well as High Speed Internet.

So please send me all your birthday wishes, and a prayer for my jobsearch and wellbeing would be great. I hope to have the website Move dont soon too.

posted by Jeff Rowe Tuesday, January 20, 2004 | permalink> | 1 comment

Friday, January 16, 2004 - 8 comments

Expect Something New Here Soon!

I have had it, My life has gone topsy turvy in the last 6 months, and now I have decided to bring this site and its readers with me. I am working on a complete move, new host, new layout, new look. It's highly possible that it might be much of the same/similar drivel and whining, but at least it will look new and different. I have already decided on most of the new look, but I am in need of of someone to help me work out my new logo. I have a great idea, but my attempts come out looking wrong. I need someone with a Kevin Smith-ish ComicBook style who can take my idea and make it look right. Nothing too hard, just some basic headers, logo's, maybe a banner or two.

In the meantime, I will work on it myself.

posted by Jeff Rowe Friday, January 16, 2004 | permalink> | 8 comments

Wednesday, January 07, 2004 - 4 comments

What I want for my Birthday...

I gave up on my attempt at writing this post, I was on my 10th edit of it and still it horrified me. Sometimes its best to start over.

I have had my fair share of troubles, nobody who reads this site would deny that. However, I now realise that part of what created that drama was me. I always assumed that drama found me, now I know better. I help to create it. Recognising you have a problem is the first step, from here on its a journey I am unprepared for. I help to create the drama, I even help build it up. Now I need help tearing it down...

For my birthday I want "Reconciliation". I want the love of my life back. I gambled that her love for me was greater than whatever was keeping her from me, and I lost. She wants me to find 'peace', until we can talk, until we can work things out. I have been searching for that peace since this all began. I admit it, I blew this all out of proportion. I made it all about me.

It wasnt all about me, it isnt all about me, its all about 'US'. Right now, there isnt an us. That is what is killing me the worst right now. It helped at first, knowing that I could finally answer my own question 'Why doesnt she call me?' - 'Cause you dumped her'. That feeling of elation is over. My plan backfired. Maybe I could move on, maybe I could build up a little scar tissue over the wound and forge a new life. Focus on Corwin, my parents, my friends. Maybe...

I bought into something with her, I promised her I would love her forever. Maybe that was my mistake, because now I can't let go. I dont know how to. I cannot see my future life without her, I cannot stand being without her right now. For my birthday, I want to finally know whats going on. I want to be able to kiss her, to hold her, to not feel that 'Love/Hate' feelign she has been bringing out in me for way too long now.

I need a therapist... almost as much as I need her. Maybe more.


posted by Jeff Rowe Wednesday, January 07, 2004 | permalink> | 4 comments

Friday, January 02, 2004 - 0 comments

Happy New Year... or some shit like that...

I just wanted to beat the Post-Holiday Friday rush of people avoiding work and surfing on the company dime, and get my New Years message out to you all. I have a full post in the works, its a triple-checker, IE: changing names to protect the innocent, the guilty, and my own ass [grin]. So in its place for now will have to sit this lame half-asleep rambling post. Hell, I only came down to the kitchen for something to drink, and here I sit, my Iced Tea getting warm and my bed getting cold.

Happy New Year! I hope you all had a good New Years Eve, whatever you chose to do. I felt that this year is ending on a strangly sour note, it only seemed proper to keep things lowkey and stay in. I did have Corwin for the night, but try as he might, he didnt even make it to 10pm before he was zoned out completely. So I sat up, watching TechTv, Discovery Channel (Holiday Marathons!), and working on a few new linux boxen I have built. At the stroke of midnight I made a couple phone calls, but had to leave messages, guess I wasnt at the top of anyone particulars list this year. However I did get to talk to my parents who managed to be up that late (Eating Blackeyed Peas and holding money/lottery tickets?!?!)

Looking towards the near future: My Dad turns 50 on January 12th, and I have my 31st Birthday coming up on January 20th. God help us all!


posted by Jeff Rowe Friday, January 02, 2004 | permalink> | 0 comments