Tuesday, May 27, 2003 - 14 comments

'It was the best of time, it was the worst of times...'

I feel like a confession is in order... I have had the most amazing news to post for a while now, but have held it back for the most personal of reasons. This is something incredible, and truely life changing for me, in fact its not the only one occuring in my life right now. However, it is the only one I can talk to you all about... and the one which has come to a head for me right now. I have shared my life with alot of people by way of this page, and now I get to share something which fills me with joy, and scares me more than you can ever know...

I am a daddy...

My 8 month old son is named Corwin. I have lived with the possibility that he was my son for almost a year and a half now, but it has been the last 2-3 months where that possibility has been made real for me. I kept this whole thing secret from friends and family for a long time, allowing so very few know what was going on in my head. Even now, it is hard for me to explain, but I feel happy and sad about this. Happy that I have such a beautiful son, and sad that I missed so much time with him. I might have been around, been friends with his mother Leah, and even spent a decent amount of time with him in that period... but the time wasnt spent with my son, it was time spent avoiding thought of my being his father. I missed his birth, his first time sitting up, his first smile, and so much more. The last few months I have avoided it more than ever, with the news that the assumed father had been ruled out. I obsessed so much on what that final answer would mean to me, that I was amazed when I got my first day with him... amazed at how much he isnt the baby I knew just 2 months ago. He sits up, races around the floor, is fighting like mad to get up and walk around... He even eats pizza...

I am a daddy... finding out just in the nick of time for Fathers day... a day that will take me years to get used to again. I am happy, but I dont know when or if this scared feeling ever goes away. I am not sure I am ready for the responsibility of this all, but I know that I am not able to run from this either. The beginning of 'A Tale of Two Cities" starts off with 'It was the best of time, it was the worst of times...' it made sense before... but has a whole new meaning to me now...

I got to spend my first day getting to know my son on Saturday the 24th [Link to Pictures] - [More Pics]. Leah managed to quell her fears, and I took him and his caravan of blankets, toys, diaper bag, and a million other items to my parents. I wanted to introduce them to the little man who had been the source of so much discussion. I think he knew what was going on, because he was amazing... he took to me and to my parents better than I could imagine. We had a fun filled day of playing, and talking, with a bit of fun on my account (Did I mention Joe came over too?) My parents fell instantly in love, and I found myself forming a vague idea of where this new relationship might go. I dont get to be the fulltime, standard issue father to him, but I can try my hardest and do my best to be as much of one as I can. I know every day with him wont be as easy, fun-filled, or trouble free as the first one, I expect that will be part of the fun of it...

This whole thing is just beggining for me, there is still alot to go through. Leah and I still have to go through mediation yet. In the end we both have to approach this as parents, our mutual interest being Corwin himself. I dont want to see this as a fight or dispute with her, I hope the time we spent as friends allows us both to remain civil and to work things out as best for him. As he is all that matters in the end right?

I expect to post more here about this soon, as friends and family who didnt know will be sure to email be and give me hell for hiding something like this. I will include his pictures as I take them, and I hope to soon put together a bunch of the pictures I have of up until now. That lost time is something I hope to make up for...

thank you all,
posted by Jeff Rowe Tuesday, May 27, 2003 | permalink> | 14 comments

Tuesday, May 20, 2003 - 4 comments

"I'm Ozzy Osbourne, the Prince of Fucking Darkness."

In think I have gone link-crazy lately... too much bizarre crap to post and link to. Not enough personal self interest type stuff. Truth be told though, there isnt alot to post, Im a boring shit who tends to stay home alot. Now that most of my Tv shows are in the off season or in repeats, I am really screwed cause what do I do now right? If I had high speed internet access, I could at least collect porn videos, jack movies off the web, trade illegal mp3's, or even talk dirty with a dozen 13 year old girls at the same time... um... you know, the normal stuff. Anyhow, the point is that I dotn have alot to say so instead I provide your with entertaining links, trivia, and dirty pictures...

I am considering that addition of a disclaimer to my site. Just in case my rhetoric offends anyone, or they read my site without knowledge that I can be a sick bastard. IT seems a little to P.C. and odds are good it would just wind up being one of those... 'If you are easily offended, dont click here and then go shoot yourself' type disclaimers. There are too many of those out there anyway...

Blah Blah Blah... here's the Beef!

I have posted tons of those stupid little internet quizes and tests. Now here is one that is almost designed for the people I know, and those who read my page. 'Are you Psychotic?': an Online Rorschach Inkblot Test. I would love to have people post thier results in the comments section... but keep them brief, and one personality per person per post... ok?

I have a strange facination with Old Pictures, I love to look at Really old pictures or people and places. That is one of the reasons why I love the Lake County Museum". Now completely in reverse from that, I also enjoy Vintage Erotica photos... when woman were women, curvy and voluptuous, very sexy! which segways to my wonderous Retro Porn link.

Hmmm... more naked painted Ladies... Wheee!

Ever been self consious about the way your ejaculate tastes? Me neither... frankly, I dont think anyone has ever volunterred to tell me what it tastes like, and besides... I prefer pizza. Well, just in case you might be thinking that your diet of McDonalds, Soda, Busch beer, and Taco Bell might be the cause of the nasty look your girlfriend gives you when its 'your turn' then you should check out 'Semenex'. Anyone want to sponsor a Jeffrowe.net review of the product by ordering me some? Its only $13.95 (5 Uses), $24.95 (10 Uses), or $49.95 (30 Uses) plus Shipping and Handling of course... email me for the address to ship it to.

I have had many a friend (mostly female) mention how hard it is to make an honest buck and still manage to live off it. My standard response is that they could find a way to supplement thier income with another job. The ones who are still listening, and who havent slapped me by now (very few), get my 'Sell your Soiled Panties' speech. Its honest work, and I have seen ad's for women who make $15 or $20 a pair... $25+ if you send your naked picture with them. One thing I never was too clear on, was the actual process... how do you get them ripe, and how do you ship them for the 'best effect'. Once again, during a random surfing session, I found my answer! Here is an interesting Letter and Answer column with someone who has the same question 'FUNKY UNDIES' by Dan Savage.

Direct Quote from a BBC NewsRound Article:
Here's a world record to set tongues wagging. German schoolgirl Annika Irmler has licked her way into the Guinness Book of Records with her whopping seven centimetre tongue. "My friends always said I had an incredibly long tongue - I could make lots of money with it one day," said Annika. The twelve-year-old from Tangstedt, near Hamburg, can lick the ice cream from the bottom of a cornet - while her friends have to use their fingers. "I'm just proud that now people everywhere can read about me and my tongue," she said. "On my first day at school I had to stick my tongue out for everyone." [Link to the Article w/ Pictures]

?Do I really have to say anything here? A 12 year old girl with a tongue that size doesnt need the recognition... hell, its hard to believe she can talk with that thing in her mouth. As for her friends comments that it would make her alot of money... I think she misheard them... it was all her girlfriends saying 'I got $5 bucks... want to come over to my house tonight?' And who didnt find it a little disturbing with the whole licking ice cream from the bottom of a cornet? My god, its horrible!!! PS: Anyone know how hard it is to adopt little german girls? [smirk] The pictures dont show much more than her tongue, which looks like it would make Gene Simmons weep. Imagine her first boy/girlfriend... anyone ever seen the picture of the guy who was dating Soliel 'Punky Brewster' Moon? after she grew up and got stacked? She is wearing a skintight dress with a monster set of Double D's... and here is this littel punk kids wearing a smile from ear to ear!

Hmm... I love useless trivia! Ever wondered why Gorrilas always seem so pissed off? The average gorilla weighing 200 pounds has a penis that is only two inches long. Wouldnt that make you a little upset? Well, here is a page of Sex related Trivia that is sure to spice up the conversation. [Link to Mr Smartypants Sexual Knowledge]

posted by Jeff Rowe Tuesday, May 20, 2003 | permalink> | 4 comments

Thursday, May 15, 2003 - 1 comment

Why do I surf the Web to find dirty things to post? :: UPDATED::

Ok... Ebay and Yahoo have had thier fair share of Auctions of items that just plain shouldnt be. People autioning off their virginity, Internal Organs, an Asskicking, etc... Well, it only took Ebay 2 minutes to take down this amusing auction... 'For Sale: One annoying tw*t of a girlfriend' of coarse the bidding was up to 10,000,000 when they did. Guess he will just have to keep her, or sell her locally. Hehehe... wish someone had a mirror of the auction so I could see it.

Every so often I click on the two little icons on the bottom of the right hand column of my page, these are my Free website trackers [Extreme & Nedstat] which allow me to see various data about who hits my site, from where, thier stats and basic info, how they got here, where they went... etc. Well, it seems my page has recently been hit by one or more people who are very intent on finding out about MAsterbation, Cameltoes, and Sex.

In keeping with the topic of dirty dirty things...and my recent visit to Texas. I found an amusing article in the Austin Chronical entitled 'Better Living through Porno'. Some great narrative on a womans headfirst dive into workign as a Pornstore clerk, how it took over her life and changed her view of people forever, and the realization she had that made her quit and never go back.

The Texas theme continues on... linked from the above article I found 'Is That a Perfectly Legal, Anatomically Correct Condom Education Model, or Are You Just Happy to See Me?'. Guess what? Texas has some extremely dumb laws pertaining to the Sale of Sex Toys. Apparently it is illegal to sell any item labeled as "Obscene devices" , which means 'designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs'. Some stores are making people sign release forms... and its not illegal to own such items, but should your collection be more than 6 items, thats 'Intent to Promote', which is a class A Misdemenor. Gotta love Texas right?

Here is a quick freakout for you all... play 20 Questions against an AI Neural Net. The damn thing got 2 out of 3 right against me... very, very, freaky!

A little amusing fun from 'The Way Back Machine', an article entitled Eating Pussy: The NEW First Base' by Meathy Metal... An amusic Chicks viewpoint on why she shoudl always get hers... hehehe

I had to look twice at this Hong Hong advertisement... I know what it is now, but it took me a while... [blush] guess I am just a dirty pervert.

:::The Update::: Everyman can appreciate a nice 'fine' ass, even if we dont agree on what it should look like... I have been thinking alot about that very cute and wonderful ass belonging my love-sweet-love all morning since she called and woke me early this am. Right now I am stuck with my mental picture, and thus cannot share the experience with you all directly... (no you cant see the photos) here is a Page-O-Buttocks for you all to gawk at, drool over, or do whatever it is you do...

[sidenote: In my honest opinon, thongs are proof that god exists, is a man, and is a total pig like me...]

Ok... enough crap...
I will leave you all alone now...
posted by Jeff Rowe Thursday, May 15, 2003 | permalink> | 1 comment

Wednesday, May 14, 2003 - 0 comments

The stars are bright, late at night... Deep in the heart of Texas!

Just recently back into town, I was sent to San Antonio, Texas by Medline to do our Branch move. I actually managed a small amount of freetime and had a little fun while I was there. Mainly it seemed that all I was going to do was work and sweat, but the Move went smoothly (until the last 2 days) and I got to hang out a bit. The town of Gruene is a small antique town, kind alike a Texas version of Richmond, Il... except that they have at least one really cool Restaurant, A decent Bar with a stage for bands, and it sits along the edge of the Guadelupe River. I was away for Mothersday, so I had left a card and such behind for my mother... so as I wouldnt be killed upon returning. I got to wish Ali and her mom a happy mothersday, and hang with the kiddies too (Austin and Madi)... Overall it was a very good trip, cept for all the working and sweating... Texas is a hot place my friends! So I am back, feels like forever, but I only left last Thursday...

I have some good stuff to post soon, but I am fleshign otu the posts a bit... in the meantime, here is some random crap...

So its true... The Era of Saturday Morning Cartoons has come to an end... I have often joked about that period in my life where I actually couldnt comprhend not gettin up between 6 and 7am to watch Saturday Morning Cartoons and Shows. It seemed obsurd to me. At some mysterious point, over the space of a year, my brain rewired itself in its normal adolescent chemical change to suddenly not understanding why anyone would ever leave thier bed early unless dragged by force by thier parents. Of coarse, by then all the decent cartoons had left the air... and we didnt have an entire channel of cable dedicated to cartoons 24-7. You couldnt pay me to get up early to watch todays kid shows... I like would probably commit Hari Cari (Hoooly Cow!) if I had to watch so many bad american copies of decent but stupid japanese shows. Its great that you can now tune in 24 hours a day to channels for old 60's shows, cartoons, anime, scifi, action... Unless we find a way to pump 5000 channels to every TV, the next stop has to be 'On Demand Video' Services.

Every heard the stupid phrase "Give an infinite number of monkeys an infinite number of typewriters, the theory goes, and they will eventually produce the works of Shakespeare."? Well it always sounds like crap to me too... and I think this proves it... The Article 'Typing monkeys, but no Shakespeare" took the aphorism seriously and left 6 monkeys with a computer. In the end, they had a broken computer, a keyboard that had been badly soiled, and 5 Pages of typing consiting mostly of the letter 'S'. I will admit that 6 is not anywhere near the 'infinite' number in the quote... but do you think multiplying this experiment is gonna change much other than the amoutn of broken Pc's and shit on the keyboard?
posted by Jeff Rowe Wednesday, May 14, 2003 | permalink> | 0 comments

Friday, May 02, 2003 - 3 comments

Guess who's Back, Back again? Jeffy's Back... word to my friends!

Almost 2 weeks without my personal Webspace or email, it was pure hell. Not your everyday pure hell either, more like backwoods, distilled, refined, 190% pure hell. The kind that makes it burn when you pee

Im good with the Visuals ehh?

Well, things are standard here... I had the most wonderful Easter in a long time. Work is going well, things are running smoothly [aside from allowing my website to go down] Medline is sending me to Texas for a weekend to Do our B10 Warehouse move. Should be a good time, hoep you all enjoy our semi-crappy weather while I am gone [smirk]

Something amusing I found, A Criticle Disseration on Screwing, by a self admitted virgin. A little bitter, funny nonetheless...

For this one, I am warning you in advance, before even giving the info or the link... cause this very strange. Anime has infiltrated the world by storm, american kids shows are based off of them, comics, movies, cartoons... everything! There is even Anime Porn, some of it very 'graphic', and almost all of it showing off some of japan's odd kinks... such as a love for Rape situations, Extremely young looking girls, and Sex with monsters/demons. Well, it looks like anime is combining itself with some good old standard nasty style kink... thye actually have 'Scatalogical' Anime Figures. These are just plain bizarre... and I will kiss the first person to buy me one of them, better yet the whole set! Thsi woudl keep people from bugging me at my desk!

Welcome to the Ass-o-Tron... a website that can take almost any webpage and ass a big ol' ass on it... for instance... here is JoeTrickey.com with just the original ass, and here it is with another [smile], or how about a visit to the new Ass-o-Tron version of Whitehouse.gov?

And to roll in the whole 'Ass' theme I seem to have going here... I know several people who talk out thier ass, but 'Yoga Ass Breathing' is one of those things I never heard of before.

Larry Flynt's (Hustler) staff is hunting for a videotape rumoured to show first daughter Barbara Bush in the nude. Apparently Yale University has the occasional & notorious "naked parties. Sources say she has attended several of those parties, and that there is actually video footage of her from several months ago. One Student has already been offered between $1 Million and $1.6 Million for the tape, though he claims to know of it but not actually have it.\

Quick Little Internet Test
Okay, this test makes it quick and simple... you are going to hell, but do you know what level of hell? Based on Dante's Inferno, this test of yes/no and true/false questions will test your sin levels for the various levels of hell and figure out which level of hell you belong in. So remember! Be honest! As for me... The Dante's Inferno Test has banished me to the Second Level of Hell! Here is my Overall rating:

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished JeffRoweDotNet to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how he matched up against all the levels:
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Low
Level 7 (Violent)Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Moderate

Here is yoru chance... Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Chow people...
posted by Jeff Rowe Friday, May 02, 2003 | permalink> | 3 comments